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I Wasn't Quite Done...

Published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Miracles and the Unexplainable.

It was my first college party and I was a very excited, barely 21 year old girl with absolutely not a clue of the danger I was about to put myself in. I rushed to get ready and put on my cutest outfit and went on my way to this gathering full of college students, most of whom were much older and more experienced than myself.

I was young, a little naive and had recently broken away from the religion I had grown up in. Though I always kept God and Jesus and kindness (and spirituality in general) close to my heart, I have to admit I was perhaps a little bitter about my strict upbringing and was eager to go and experience what the ‘party life’ was like. I thought I was invincible and my lack of experience in the ‘real world’ of partying would soon become glaringly apparent.

Arriving at the tiny apartment building in downtown Salt Lake City where the party was being held, I assumed I was in good company. Everyone around me seemed extremely successful and motivated, it was pretty intimidating for me. Some were graduating with Doctorates and some were biologists and one man in particular was training to become an airline pilot. It was this young, handsome pilot that seemed to take an extreme interest in me throughout the night.

It never once crossed my mind that I was in danger while at this party, so I was relaxed, having fun and more concerned about how I looked and flirting and making new friends than anything else. I also didn’t hesitate to take drinks from this man who had an interest in me, which he consistently handed me throughout the night. How thoughtful! If I had known what would have transpired later that night, I would have called my mother- who was miles away- for a ride home immediately.

As the night drew to a late close and everyone attending had begun ordering their Ubers and Lyfts home (all of us being sufficiently buzzed or drunk from drinking) I began to make my own plans to Uber home. It had been a wonderful time and I’d made new friends and felt on top of the world.

Suddenly, the young man training to be an airline pilot was there to be a total gentleman and save me the trouble of calling a ride home. Instead, he offered me a ride back to his place, where he assured me I could safely crash on his couch and he’d take me out to breakfast the next morning.

At this point in my life, I had heard my fair share of be-carefuls and never trust a stranger. I definitely should have been wary, but this guy was a motivated college student and was training to fly airplanes! He was cute and sociable and seemingly friendly. Naive 21 year old me sensed absolutely no danger as I thanked him and crawled into his car, planning to crash on his couch for the night at his personal apartment nearby.

You can probably guess what happened next, so I will leave this part of the story somewhat vague. Arriving at his place, I fell asleep and when I woke up I was being brutally attacked. He hurt me in a way I will not describe and the searing pain put my body into flight mode. I screamed and tried to escape the place, but he would pick me up and throw me back onto the bed I had woken up in.

I believe the only reason he eventually left me alone was because I began throwing up so violently from absolute shock. In fact, I was puking so aggressively, my body in complete panic mode, that I actually choked on my vomit in the bathroom and began to suffocate.

I can tell you that suffocating to death is much more peaceful than you can imagine- at least it was for me. When I stopped breathing for long enough, I actually consciously experienced myself leaving my body in spirit form and witnessed my physical body still lying on the bathroom floor, up against the toilet.

I was hovering in the top corner of the tiny bathroom. The first thing I experienced as a spirit was a deep sense of love for myself. I remember looking at my body and with much sadness and respect for my dying self saying, “Wow. I’m so beautiful.”

I don’t believe I said this in a vain way, but more of a respect for all that my life had become at this point and all that I had made of myself as a person and who I was at my core. I knew I lived my life as kind as I could and with a good heart. I truly experienced a deep love for myself in that moment that words cannot describe. It was like I saw myself as an innocent child, deserving of all the love in the world.

My conscious attention then turned to the fact that I had left my body and that I was surely going to die. “I can’t believe this is how it ends. I die in the hands of this jerk,” I remember thinking to myself somberly. I was mostly at peace, but there was quite a bit of sadness and even a slight bitterness that my life would be taken this way. Literally just thrown away.

What comes as a surprise to me and probably will to you, is that when I left my body, it was as if I had always been in this ethereal state, like the super conscious or higher-self is a part of you that is always present and watching. The transfer from my physical body and into my “soul” was as natural as blinking. Some say when you die you are transformed in the “blink of an eye” and that was indeed my experience. It might reassure you to know that death(for me at least) was quick and painless- not frightening at all… and consciousness does indeed go on.

Looking at my body as a spirit and mourning, I then looked to my right and saw these breathtaking streams of color- aqua, ice blue, teal- all kind of waving in a translucent particle form in front of me and I knew in that moment that these color streams represented the rest of my life and my blue printed mission that I had agreed to partake in.

It’s hard to express, but looking at the waving streams of color, I knew exactly what they meant and that I had always known what my life mission here on Earth was. I longed to go back to my body to complete my mission here. I decided I wasn’t done yet, I still had so many incredible experiences and things to learn in this life.

Then, a miracle happened. In an instant of my decision to come back and with a loud startling *CLAP* I was back in my body, gasping for air.

Breathing air back into my lungs, I was completely conscious of what had just transpired. For whatever reason, my attacker had decided to leave me alone. I washed myself up and called my mom for a rescue.


I would never report what had happened to me that night. I was afraid no one would believe either story, the horror or the miracle.